My Addiction

We all have one, don't we? Some of us have many. Some keep them well hidden, while others are unable to do so. Moderation is the goal, but often at least one desire fails to submit to it.

My addiction? Purchasing educational products and used curriculum. Well, you might say, if you are going to have an addiction that is a good one to have. Yes, in some ways it is. I am a bargain hunter extraordinaire and can find items in great condition for much, much less than retail--even including postage. In this way, I have provided a wonderful library for my family and school materials for Riley. However, as with any addiction, it also has a dark side.

Whenever I receive mad money--and, oh is it apply named "mad"--I become obsessed. This is not such a bad thing when there are items on my list still needing to be purchased. But, when I am set with curriculum, as I already am for next year, having mad money indeed drives me a little insane. My brain races with, "What can I buy? What can I buy?" and I spend countless hours scouring the sale/swap boards. In addition to that, when the mad money is no more, I'm still in search-and-spend mode, so putting on the brakes is quite difficult.

Just recently I've also discovered that I am an emotional spender. When I am feeling blue or stressed, I want to buy something. Anything. As with all addictions, there is that temporary rush, that fleeting satisfaction that keeps you coming back for more. And, as with all addictions, I see the desperate attempt to fix a hurt or fill a void--things that can only be done permanently by the power of God.

What a journey we are on...shedding the old, putting on the new, wrestling with our flesh. But, it is a journey. We are moving through, moving on. Every obstacle encountered is an opportunity to dig deeper into the Father. So, in this revelation of yet another way I hide from Him, I choose to allow it to drive me under His wing.